Stefan Schumacher was really drilling it in the individual TT’s at the Tour de France. Looked sharp in yellow, too. And it was a nice way to redeem himself after another positive test. Schumacher rode so fast and his victories were so surprising they brought to mind those of Sergei Gonchar who, now this is going to blow your mind—was also busted for doping shortly after his ‘mystery wins’ in the 2006 Tour de France, the Tour that brought us a Floyd Landis, uh, victory? Failure? What do you call that? Best of the cheaters?

Well, turns out Stefan’s a cheater, too. Wonder if someone dropped EPO in his beer, you know like a few months back when someone dropped some cocaine in Tom Boonen’s beer, thus causing him to test positive for cocaine. According to Tom.

But no! It was Professor Plum! In the study! With a candlestick!

Maybe instead of having a Tour de France bike race, they should have a Tour de France that’s a competition to see who can come up with the best whopper to explain why they have more drugs in their system than a race horse (race horses can legally use most of this stuff, though. Really. Google it.). . .

And still people wonder if pro cycling is clean. Really? Do you need to wonder when you read these kinds of headlines EVERY DAY?