When I was a co-owner/operator of the Yard Barber Lawn Service in Kansas City, Missouri, I can assure you that none of our employees were ever out drunk driving on riding lawnmowers. That’s because riding mowers are for amateurs. Pros use walk-behinds like these fine models from Howard Price (RIP):

 

 

 

 

 

But the dream, the dream was this:

 

The ZTR—that’s short for zero turning radius.

 

And it wouldn’t have been bad if instead of getting dirty looks every time we rolled into Mission Hills with our lawnmower (stay tune for tales of the multiple times we were pulled over by the cops for DWLLWTIARA—driving while looking like white trash in a rich area) we got looks like these yo.