‘When the Belgians came/to live up the game
And to perform/some had
To snort cocaine/to act insane’
-The GZA by way of Tom Boonen’s cocaine positive.
When I read the Cycle Sport Boonen profile earlier this month and peeped that the Belgian Tornado had a collection of 10,000 house LP’s and turntables in his house along with a flaming yellow Lamborghini in the driveway, I felt I’d peered into his cerebral cortex. And in that cerebral cortex I saw the residues of ecstasy, but not cocaine. My crystal ball, usually so trusty, must be busted.
So Tommy Boy hovered up some white lines, perhaps to celebrate his Paris-Roubaix victory. Okay, don’t care, pass the mayo (not Iban and not yayo either, but rather the mayo mayo of the sort that they like to smear on their fries over
He got caught, he almost immediately said he was sorry, he seemed genuinely contrite, he didn’t cheat anybody out of glory, money or a career with his actions. The only person he fucked was himself and he sacked up and took his lumps. I’m good with that.
Of greater concern to me is Boonen’s recent DUI where he blew a 1.0 after getting busted speeding in his Lamborghini (which he wrecked a while back, see pic above). Drunk driving—not cool, not cool at all, not what those little children of Belgian coal miners really need to be seeing.
Still, I’ll reserve my tut tuts for conniving little bitches like Ivan Basso with his lawyerly fade away following his EPO positive. It’s that kind of turdish behavior that fisted a giant hole in the chamois of bike racing.
As my AP World History teacher Larry Ruby used to like to say back at
Indeed.
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