When I was a co-owner/operator of the Yard Barber Lawn Service in Kansas City, Missouri, I can assure you that none of our employees were ever out drunk driving on riding lawnmowers. That’s because riding mowers are for amateurs. Pros use walk-behinds like these fine models from Howard Price (RIP):

 

 

 

 

 

But the dream, the dream was this:

 

The ZTR—that’s short for zero turning radius.

 

And it wouldn’t have been bad if instead of getting dirty looks every time we rolled into Mission Hills with our lawnmower (stay tune for tales of the multiple times we were pulled over by the cops for DWLLWTIARA—driving while looking like white trash in a rich area) we got looks like these yo.

 

From the track World Cup at the ADT velodrome (video coming soon, by the way). Standing room only for much of Saturday night when I came across this cat who has rounded every urban cycling base with this kit: Evil cycling cap, Chrome bag with patches from Surly, Niner, Cars R Coffins and the Bicycle Kitchen.

 

 

A spin war Bush couldn't lose: the interrogation of Saddam Hussein. Amazingly, his fbi interrogator now reveals to 60 minutes that every wet dream the neocons ever said about saddam was true!

A dead man can't disagree with you.

Cyclcross worlds prediction: Jonathan Page wins. Nothing goes faster than an angry Minuteman from New England.

this message sent by esp

Bikes and beats.

this message sent by esp

KILLING HURTS

Dying is as much a fact of life as Blair Warner, Natalie Letisha Sage Green (who knew her character had such a long ass name? I always thought of her as the fat girl), Tootie Ramsey, and Joanna 'Jo' Marie Polniaczek Bonner (again, what’s with the long name? I thought she just rode motorcycles and kicked ass. . .).

 

When someone like Cobain, Ledger, etc. dies a self-induced death—accidental or otherwise—people lose their shit over it.

 

But do people get bent out of shape about this because it’s a tragedy or because they can’t wrap their heads around the fact that all people—even filthy rich, famous, talented people who get to make babies with other famous people—don’t always enjoy being alive, that they get sad, that they can’t always sleep at night and that, sometimes, they just don’t want to live?

 

On a less bleak note, onward! to the beat of the EMP drum.

 

 

Jerome kerviel caused a 7.2 billion dollar loss on his own in the interest of making a good bonus on his low for banking salary of about $100,000. . .

Boys and girls, can you say deniable operator?

HGH: grow your own the old fashioned way with high-intensity training, clean eating and adequate recovery or just go see Dr. Andre ‘Forever Young’ Berger in Beverly Hills.

 

But will you stay forever young like Rod Stewart sang about if you kick the bucket before the game’s supposed to be over from jacking with your body’s natural homeostasis?

 

 

 

The $11,000 cup of coffee has arrived less than a mile from where I’m sitting at La Mill Coffee in Silverlake. Next time I’m up in SF I’m definitely going to try a cup from the $20,000 machine. I hope it makes me pee real gold.

Gnome tent assembly, Mojave desert.

 

 

Borat goes mountain biking.

 

 

 

 

Quoth Floyd Landis to Mr. Rogers on Velonews today:

“Look, if this could happen in a vacuum, where everyone was clean, somebody would win. Somebody behind them would cry like a bitch.”

Crying like a bitch. Interesting nomenclature.

So then:

Q: What pro cyclist would the public most likely describe as having cried like a bitch, loudly, for most of 2007?

Death by soy: cancer from elevated estrogen levels.

Death by beef: mad cow disease.

Death by chicken: avian flu y'all.

Death by corn: high fructose fatass heart attacks.

Death by milk: rbst approved in less than 60 days is not so good for you and me!

Death by water: heavier metals than riffs from Black Sabbath/radioactive poison/industrial discharge infesteing lady's melons.

Gene Simmons looks like the Mona Lisa if she wore a hair net.